Friday, April 1, 2011

Escape Into Chris - Entry 11

Sketch by Chris Al-Aswad

2007 Meditation retreat with Dad

All in all, today hasnt been that bad and things are looking up for you already. And while the body is irritating and you always wish you were more comfortable, at least you are aware of your pettiness and discomfort. We do have a lot to complain about and for that reason, we shouldnt complain. We should just patiently endure it. I cant say things are not constantly aggravating because theyre not. You seem to fall into a rhythm sometimes and the ugliness and the irritation recedes from your awareness.
Desire is a funny thing- eventually you get all those things you wished for. But what about happiness, which has an elusive way of appearing and disappearing. Dont go looking for it though. Because its harder to catch than a butterfly though desire also runs away. When youre chasing things, they are bound to run from you. Even the thoughts in my head I chase like rabbits never to hold them. They rapidly multiply into whole colonies of rabbits. Soon Im chasing rabbits in three different directions. Whether its the mind or the body, youre mad. And then maybe its the moment because things change you know. Thats what I love about reality its totally unpredictable. In the moment, I write a poem saying the body is miserable and everything is wrong. Already conditions (in me and around) are beginning to rearrange themselves. So I write to probe a mood of misery and then find Ive come to a place where those things Ive said at the beginning of the poem belong to the perceptions of another person. My tone changes like the feeling over my body changes - And those things I once felt were the bane of my wretched life are now like twinkling lights in a fog bound street. You cant pinpoint where theyre coming from, but you know theyre there



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